people are so cryptic, it's getting on my nerves.
but before anything else, i shall explain and elaborate.
jeremiah has been my classmate since last year. my friend used to have a crush on him, but i thought he was creepy. he hardly talked to anyone. we rarely talked at first. but then one day, he texted me and then we started texting each other like there was no tomorrow. we called each other lazy and he opened himself up to me a bit. he told me about his crush, and how she inspires him to be a bit less lazy - a little inside joke of ours. after that, word spread out about our whole laziness thing and the class started to tease us the way we teased each other. then my gay friend rafael got a crush on him. rafael started to annoy jeremiah to death. so jeremiah stayed away from rafael, and since rafael and i are close, he started to stay away from me too. at first i thought that he was annoyed at me too. but after a while, jeremiah and i started to become friends. he and rafael got into this huge fight, and now they ignore each other completely. you would assume that he ignores me too, but what happened was the exact opposite. we became even closer. so.. yeah. i don't even know who he likes now, we don't talk about those kind of stuff anymore. and besides, there are soo many girls going after him. before, we rarely talked to each other in person.. let alone in public. but now, he even teases me in public.. and sits beside me :)
jeremiah: hey snob!
me: what are you talking about?!
j: nothing.
m: whatever. so how are you?
j: i was fine before you ignored me. so how about you?
m: are you drunk? you can't be, you don't even drink. oh i'm fine by the way.
-- that was one of our crazy crazy conversations lately. he was so serious, i found it funny. i don't know what the big deal is, i always ignore people. and besides, i don't even remember him giving me the chance to ignore him. why so serious then?? CAN YOU SAY.. CRYPTIC? :))
he's always teasing me. and he knows that i like to get even. here's one of the conversations my friend and i had about him..
*phone beeps*
friend: i think it's yours..
me: it is.
m: it's just jeremiah's daily greetings..
f: he greets you?
m: yeah. it's a group message, he greets everybody.
f: he doesn't greet me.
m: must be too lazy..
*after an hour or so*
f: nobody else got his greeting. what did he say exactly?
m: good morning. later it will be "good afternoon", then it'll be "good evening"..
f: you're the only one who receives the messages. weird..
m: weird is normal for him.
-- he told me it was a group message. my friend asked around, but i'm the only one who gets those messages. hmm.. :)
let go of my quill at 8:36 AM
0 knights in shining armor
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best i ever had
i was listening to the song BEST I EVER HAD - VERTICAL HORIZON a while ago, and i got really inspired. so here it goes.
i just realized that jp has this amazingly strong force over me. i guess, pull would be the right word, but the extent of it's definition doesn't seem to match my feelings. i guess i really fell for him, but now.. i'm done falling. i'm simpy stuck in this state of.. something. it's not like i've fallen and reached the bottom, having no where else to go but up. it's like i've fallen half way, being given the option to either go up or down. i'm simply stuck.
i used to think that he was my perfect match. he would match my personality and moods without effort. we listened to the same kind of music, which is a very big plus for me. and.. he just suits me. seems perfect right? not really. i always knew, or felt, that something was off. and now i know that it's the fact that there will never be just one for him, one would never be enough. he would always want and need more than one girl.. for him to love, and to love him back. i can't live like that. knowing that you share his heart with someone else, while he has yours solely. it's doesn't matter to me if i'm the second, or even the first. i just want to be the only one. but with jp, that's an impossibility. and he doesn't even know it.
back to his force over me. it's not like power, it's nothing like that. i can't explain it right. i'll put it this way. if he told me that he loves me, then i would say that i love him too - having no escape. and trust me, i am very very good at hiding my feelings. but with him, there is no hiding and there is no escape. it's like he can easily break through the walls i put up around me. and not even know it. it may seem like i would give in to anything he wants - as long as he asks it.. but it's not. it's more like giving into what my heart wants, despite all the denying my brain is doing.
there was this party before. the celebrant was one of our common high school friends. i didn't really want to come but i missed my high school friends so much. when i got there, i absolutely had no idea who would be there. but i was 100% sure that jp wouldn't be there, since he studies in the province. so when i got out of the car and into the lobby, i was surpised (almost horrified, even) that he was there. he came up to me and gave a me bear hug, all the while i was still pondering on how he made it to the party.
so i asked, "why are you here?" it almost sounded like an accusation.
he was shocked, but he recovered his composure. "i was given an invitation."
and all i could come up with was "oh."
we were seated at different tables, so chow time was the only time for us to talk during the program. it was a buffet, so i tried to avoid him as much as possible. when i got enough food, i immediately went back to my table to starting eating. as i was about to take my first bite, he caught me off-guard. he whispered into my ear, then he stroked my hair. he was like a ghost, i didn't even notice him come up behind me. after that, i pretty much lost my appetite. it was like my stomach was already full - of butterflies :)
i hope you guys understand what i'm saying here. i don't even know if i'm making any sense right now, but who cares? i just needed to get this out, badly needed it. i must be going out of my mind =))
let go of my quill at 7:52 AM
0 knights in shining armor
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music
boy: so he's in a band, right?
girl: yeah. he's the drummer.
boy: no wonder you fell for him.
girl: what are you talking about?
boy: he makes music. even better, the kind of music you love. how can i ever compete with that?! oh, easy. i can't.
girl: oh. all the music in the world would mean nothing to me without you.
<3
let go of my quill at 12:42 AM
0 knights in shining armor
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